09 4 / 2013
You know that saying? There’s a fine line between right and wrong?
In this world, there are a lot of lines, and the majority of them seem to be “fine.”
One line, let’s imagine it as more of a rubber band, is currently tearing my heart in two. It’s stretching thinner and thinner, and I’m scared it may snap. I should have control of it, but I’m losing any hold I thought I had over it.
This line, sits between every one of my ambitions and the need to abandon them and do what I want. For we are young, heartache to heartache we stand. No promises. No demands.
But really, those two things differ and that’s where the strain lies. My ambitions should embody what I want; but instead my ambitions consist of a degree, a stable career, a family, and a life I can look back on and know that I did well and I took care of myself and the people who stood alongside me.
The part of me that screams to abandon ship wants to forget the degree and what the world expects of me. I want to spend my nights walking around deserts and finding the same constellation while standing on different continents. I want to drive through mountains, and forests, and I want to bike, and hike, and kayak. I want to feel the sand between my toes, every morning.
I’m restless. A trait that has always plagued me. I simply cannot wait for the rest of my life to begin, I’m just having a hard time figuring out what it will consist of.
I’ve always covered up this restlessness by doing odd little tasks. Dying my hair. Rearranging furniture. Shopping- to constantly change up who I could be.
But all I want are hiking boots, a large backpack and the means to travel.
Or at least the looks to spend my nights dancing around in strange cities with people I’ve never met and views I’ll never forget.
I always thought school was where I needed to be, but maybe what I need is to spend a little time getting to know the world better; before I lose my chance.
I realize these last two posts haven’t exactly been about religion, and while I promised this blog would maintain that face…my heart has been a little itchy lately and I needed to share.
Give me a couple of days and I promise I’ll get some juicy pope gossip up. Or an extremely insightful look into a mesmerizing religion.
09 4 / 2013
Anonymous asked: I may be wrong but it sounds like you want know and feel God's love, but you don't know how or what to do? Idk, maybe I'm wording it badly but i feel like there's a part of you just ready to burst out of your writings and express faith in God. Or am I just am over assuming here...
I can’t say I agree with you, not just yet. Maybe at the beginning of this school year I could have agreed, but that was also the first time I truly analyzed what the presence of faith can do to a person. God isn’t my savior, not quite. There is still a lot out there to be explored and I’m not ready to sit down and accept a faith. I am hoping that when I do find my path, it will be an overwhelming experience that will reward me for my perseverance, but until then, I will continue looking. Thank you though for your observation. I appreciate the feedback.
09 4 / 2013
"People will do anything, no matter how absurd, to avoid facing their own souls."
08 4 / 2013
The second pope-post never happened, and I apologize.
Life threw me a couple of curve balls and I have a real, every-man for himself kind of job now. Not that every job isn’t a me, myself, and I - kind of a job, it’s just this one just makes me realize that I am the only person I can count on if I want to make any money.
And as much as I hate for it to be true, I need money. For life. And love. and concert tickets.
It’s April, in case you hadn’t glanced at a calender in the past eight days. And with the promise of May flowers, the month also brings about registration time, when I have to make even more decisions that impact the rest of my life, just in the form of which class I’ll sit through and which teacher I’ll stare at for another four months.
It’s this mindset, however, that I have always fought to discourage within myself, and it is this mindset that has finally lost it’s place.
I am currently a double major in Journalism and Religion. Since August, I have been dwelling on the question of whether or not this is what I really wanted.
To be honest with you all, I’m still not sure. My journalism classes have proven to be more of a chore than of an adventure, and I do live for the adventure. I want to wake up excited for class, not spend the morning arguing with myself the pros and cons of not getting up.
Religion, is still something I’m passionate about, and is still something I want to study, however I did not take a religion class this semester, and that was to focus on journalism, which backfired in the end; doesn’t it always?
With all of that still floating in your mind, I think I’ve found my solution. Philosophy.
I love that this world has so many different things to offer to one person, and I don’t feel like I’m getting anything from sitting in my chore-like classes.
So, I’ve decided to take a year off and backpack across Europe and South America.
No, I’m just kidding. I left the word philosophy hanging up there for a reason after all.
I’m going to major in philosophy. I think it will give my brain the proper stimulation and outlet it needs to find a world within the classroom that is unexplored and still full of adventure.
I loved the philosophy class I took last semester and I don’t know why I hesitated so long to follow up on this.
I’m still going to minor in journalism, and religion as well. I think a new outlook on life, and pondering the questions of life that plague people of the world will help me find the insight i so desperately yearn for.
I just want to travel.
I’ve realized lately that my love for reading always spurred on that want. I found myself in a different world every few days through books, and I miss that. I haven’t been able to sit down and really read in a long time, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t hear the calling of each new, exciting world when I walk through a bookstore.
My priorities are becoming clearer. I’m probably going to become respectively wise soon. That is what happens with old age isn’t it?
Thank you for reading, and thank you for making it to the end of my ramblings,
19 3 / 2013
I promised myself a post on the new papacy, and am at long last fulfilling that promise. However late it may be.
So, recap: Just in time for Lent, Pope Benedict XVI, gave up the papacy. The first resignation in over 600 years, the last seen in 1415 by Pope Gregory XII, who stepped down to end the “Great Western Schism” — during which there were rival claims to the papal throne.
While Benedict XVI’s intentions were not so chivalrous, his resignation was said to be inspired by “deterioration and weakness in his body,” according to Vatican spokesman the Rev. Federico Lombardi. Lombardi continues to state that Pope Benedict had the right and potentially the duty to resign.
While many find this excusable, according to the National Catholic Weekly, modern popes have felt that resignation is unacceptable and could encourage factions within the church to pressure pontiffs to step down.
However, his resignation adhered to the requirements of Canon law that a resignation must be made freely and must be properly manifested and that the pope resigning must be of sound mind.
So, for a man who is nearly 86 years old, eight years into a papacy, and suffers from deterioration of his health, this may have been a wise choice. Eight years ago, he was the oldest cardinal elected since Pope Clement XII in 1730, and maybe he should be admired for letting someone younger, and more able to take his place.
That maybe was, however, surrounded by skepticism, and the internet went crazy with allegations including the Illuminati, as well as accusations that the church may have been under a homosexual leading these past eight years.
I’m not going to get into the messy side of it though, especially because there was so much of it, and I still have to get out an entire post about Pope Francis.
So, here’s your first Pope Post, expect the second within the next day or so,
20 2 / 2013
Is exactly where I will be on Saturday!
This lovely place of peace is holding an open house to come and explore the temple and possibly get in on some meditation.
I really wish I would have known that there were so many of these in Texas. They’re practically everywhere, except Waco, of course.
Expect a post after this, because it’s going to be amazing, I’m sure.
Also, here’s the link in case you’re interested:
13 2 / 2013
Today was Ash Wednesday, just in case you missed that.
But! Because today was Ash Wednesday, it marked the beginning of the Catholic holiday Lent, and the beginning of my resolution to give up my shopping habit. More than that though, it marked the next 40 days as those of repentance and the opportunity to become closer with the God that so many hold dear to their heart.
Although I am not Catholic, I like to participate in Lent each year. It gives me a chance to look back at myself and attempt to change those things that I know are weakening to me as a person.
In the past, I will admit, I have been only slightly committed. I’ve given up chocolate (fail), soda (fail), and even given up sex (fail, again). This year however, I have acknowledged a real problem that tends to border on actual addiction at times. Because of that, I took the full plunge, and even attended Mass this past evening.
I attended St. Jerome’s Catholic Church in Waco, Texas and it was truly a beautiful experience. My university offered a mass at the Seminary school, but due to my roommates slightly superficial ramblings, she insisted we find a classic Catholic Cathedral to attend mass at. I, of course, spent the entire Astronomy class looking for one.
Settling on St. Jerome’s was one of the best decisions we’ve probably ever made.
Having never really been to a Catholic Mass, the calm that the congregation presented to us even when first walking in, before the service started, was intimidating, at the least. There, before us, were people who had done this for years, some for their entire lives. There were the young, and the old, the newborn and the newly reborn. These people possessed the spirit that I chased after and wanted nothing more to understand.
The ceremony started, the Priest was an Indian man, with a thick accent that made me double take. He talked about what the next 40 days meant to him, and meant to those in the room. A chance to beat addiction, to look at oneself and reevaluate what life could give you, and what you could give those in your life.
I experienced the kneeling, the standing, the rituals of Catholicism. I took in the body of Christ, and inhaled the blood of Christ. I stood in line and along with those around me, had the ashes crossed on my forehead, and the next 40 days sealed.
The music, was beautiful. The people, were inspiring. The experience, was something I will remember as I make it through this time in my life, and throughout the rest of my life.
I admire the love for God that Catholics present in this time. They put their lives on hold, and even through their busy schedules they take the extra time to change themselves and reevaluate what they’re doing, and they adjust. They change, and they grow, and I love that.
So, Catholics and celebrators of Lent: I salute you, and I wish you the best of luck.
Peace be with you,